Life gets hard. More often than you and I like it, but less often than you and I think… Allow me to explain!
I am a passionate seeker of all the ways one could be their best self (join our Facebook group for extra tips), experience joy in living and accepting life just as it is. But I often go through tough times in my life, and the reasons are so many.
And when life gets hard, I often like just to grab an (imaginary) shovel and start digging through the dirt, trying to find more reasons to stay negative and hate everything that happens in the world or within me (yes, within).
But I have found ways to get myself out of that pit of misery and negativity relatively quickly (compared to previous years), so here is what I’ve learned on how to stay positive when life gets hard.
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Importance of staying positive in tough times
We all know that negativity is like putting on sunglasses and entering a dark room – it prevents us from seeing and experiencing everything around us in its actual size, whether that’s good or bad.
Negative thoughts, misery, and feelings of depression choke us, and we forget to smile, love or simply Be.
And no matter what you read today on this subject, no matter how much of this post stays in your mind, please remember one thing: It will all get better. It always has, and it always will.
There is a short story I like telling in moments like that, so here it goes.
Short story for hard times
Once upon a time, there was a king who was wise and humble but also had a feisty nature. One day, he gathered the smartest people from his kingdom and told them he wanted to possess an object that would remind him to stay humble and down-to-earth in his best moments and would keep him hopeful and optimistic when things get wrong.
A few days later, one of the jewelers from the kingdom came and offered the king a simple ring. When the king looked at the side of the ring, he saw the following sentence engraved “This too shall pass!“
No matter how many times he would feel on top of the world, he would know that this too shall pass.
However, no matter how difficult times are, he would remember… This too shall pass!
Life isn’t a flat line on a piece of paper. It has its curves and circles, and the drawing of one’s life could be like painting a mountain with ups and downs or like the ocean – with ebbs and flows.
And that is how it is supposed to be. We aren’t meant to live a life of comfort and happiness 100% of the time, and we aren’t meant to live a life of misery and disappointment either. No matter how we look at it, life is a chain of good and bad moments that keep changing with pace so fast that we almost miss it.
So, here are my tips on how to remain positive when life gets tough.
Allow yourself to feel the way you feel
We are constantly being told that feeling down isn’t normal, and we should always be positive and happy. I’m afraid I have to disagree with this, and here’s why.
I am yet to meet a person who has never faced any problems in life. Feeling down and having episodes of self-pity and self-disappointment isn’t something new to the world, and we’ve all been there.
Maybe it is time we stop shaming each other for feeling humans because, in the process of going through our darkest paths, we discover the beauty of our brightest moments.
They say it’s darkest just before dawn.
See your most challenging moments like that last beam of darkness before the sun rises and go back to previous moments of your life when things were similar. It was always like that, wasn’t it? Just around the corner of a challenging moment, there was something positive and gorgeous waiting for you to welcome it.
It is like that even now.
Stop the self-blame
You want to stop blaming yourself for feeling the way you feel. Your inner child is scared and sad, and the last thing she needs is an angry adult who blames her for feeling the way she does.
Instead, offer her understanding and wipe her tears. Half of them are there because she is missing simple understanding.
For years I felt so guilty when life got hard and was depressed about it. But with time (and the support of my partner), I’ve come to realize that the only self-help I need in hard times is just the permission I give myself to go through it. Too often, I’ve felt way better at the exact moment I stop feeling guilty for feeling down.
Make sure you don’t ignore your health
Nod if you agree with the following.
You feel anxious, depressed or just have a bad day. The last thing you feel like doing is honoring your feelings. You’d rather just curl in the bed and sleep through the century, waiting for everything to get back to its normal state.
But it never happens. Laying in the bed only brings more discomfort. The movies are lame; books are dull or even worse – they are so good that the moment you close the last page or switch Netflix off, you hate your life even more.
In fact, this is what you do: You ignore your health.
A study showed that eating pineapple and staying under the sun for a few minutes every day tremendously improves our mood and makes us feel happier.
Note that none of these mean you’ve fixed your problems. It simply shows some self-care and self-nourishment.
Maslow’s heratchy of needs
In 1943 Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist, published his “Theory of Human Motivation”, presenting the hierarchy of our needs. As you can see from the graphic above, self-actualization (which we ultimately translate as living your dream happy life) could only happen after you’ve covered the previous layers from the pyramid.
At the bottom of it, he places our physiological needs followed closely by safety needs. This indicates that the first and foremost needs we all must attend to are the needs of biological survival. This includes having shelter, food and water, proper sleep, and more.
Now, tell me this… If your physical health is the first thing you ignore when going through hard times, do you think it makes things better or worse?
Of course, that was a rhetorical question, but I hope you see my point here.
Proper food, a warm bath, a walk in the park, or a slice of pineapple won’t fix the world and its problems. But you will feel better regardless. That clearly indicates the importance of self-care and self-nurturing, especially during hard times.
Finding the power of Gratitude
If you are new to this blog, here’s the thing. I brag about Gratitude in basically every single post I write. And there is a good reason why.
Gratitude is the only completely free and low-maintenance practice that could fix your life.
And I am not exaggerating here. Through Gratitude, your heart opens to a world you didn’t know existed but has always been around you. It doesn’t just ask you to list good stuff you have but never notice. It shifts your focus from “not enough” to “enough” and from “everything’s horrible” to “yeah, but the good stuff is all around me regardless”.
Gratitude cured my depression years ago, and to this day, I practice it as often as I feel and need. It is my special secret tool to manifest my dream life and find peace and joy whenever they’re hiding.
How to practice Gratitude when life gets hard?
You might be nodding right now, agreeing that Gratitude is important. But the moment you leave this blog, you will feel like the world collapses on your shoulders, and the last thing you’re in a mood for is Gratitude. Well, I am sorry to disappoint you, but Gratitude is the first thing you should reach for in those moments.
And the best part? Nothing can stop you from practicing it.
It requires no food or water, no daylight, and no special equipment. It simply asks for your few minutes of semi-focused attention and notebook (the back of your grocery shopping list works just fine too).
Grab a pen and fill a notebook page with all the things you are grateful for today. Yes, today! Not in your life in general, but today. What was it that felt good even for a second? What made you almost smile? What went right when you clearly believed it would go wrong? What did you put your heart into? Did someone tell you a good word? Write and don’t stop until you fill that page.
Do it again tomorrow and then again, the day after tomorrow. Give it seven days, and come back here to tell me how it went (or send me an email).
If you need some extra help to start with Gratitude, grab my free 10 gratitude journal prompts here and stop with the excuses. Take full advantage of it right now.
Change the way you look at things and things you look at will change
I know it is so profound, and I wish I were the one coming up with it, but it is a quote by Wayne Dyer, and it is the most accurate thing of your day.
I like talking over problems with my partner as his way of thinking is entirely different than mine, and he makes me see things from another corner.
Looking at the same problems from different perspectives is so healing. At first, your mind might try to ignore the difference, but soon you will get used to spin the rooms, the people, and the problems around you to see them differently.
Of course, this is a metaphor, but you get what I mean, right?
Change the way you look at something, and it automatically becomes a different thing. The lonely Friday evening is just an opportunity to have a proper self-care routine.
The sad fact you are single is just an opportunity to start your own business, write a book, sing that song in your heart, paint the picture from your dreams, or explore different ways of meeting new people (adjusting to the world’s changes).
If you struggle at work, look at it as an opportunity to improve your skills or search for something you’d love doing instead.
Change the way you look at things… and everything else will change as well.
Accept the negative, but seek the positive
Lastly, accept where you are because you probably need to be there. No, I don’t mean that you deserve to feel bad, but I underline that every obstacle is a challenge that enters our lives with purpose. What would be the purpose of yours?
What are these hard times teaching you to accept or change?
And it’s not about what you could do, but about who you have to become for things to get better.
Seek the positive despite the world rubbing your nose into the negative. Seek the good despite having to dig through the dirt. Seek the positive life just because it’s there and you know it.
Conclusion you needed today
Just like it was with that king from our story above; remember that this too shall pass.
However, remember that you won’t be the same on the other end, and maybe, just maybe, that was the point.
Maybe you were meant to go through these tough times because you already have everything you need to go through inner change and personal growth.
Maybe you were meant to struggle, so you toughen up. And you were meant to cry so your eyes see clearer. And you were meant to hurt, so your heart opens up. And you were meant to be where you are, so you reach where you want to be.
Perhaps, it is okay, and maybe you want to let things go through you instead of around you. Stop blaming yourself for feeling the way you feel because maybe, you have to feel that way right now, so you manage to find a way to not feel like that…
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How To Stay Positive When Life Gets Hard
Blogger, dreamer, procrastinator, and lover of everything soul-touching. My mission is to make you laugh, provoke your thoughts, light up your day and inspire you to fall in love with life and yourself.
Vicky
Tuesday 5th of October 2021
RachelJo, I had to smile when I read this…last week was a very down week for me. My work hours have dropped drastically but my bills are going up. I felt helpless and somewhat hopeless, trying hard to cling to my faith and remember who I am. I also reminded myself that this would not last, but the chaos of our world, the lack of common sense in our government, covid vaccination disputes and overall divisiveness of our country and more, is making life very scary. Then I remember…happiness is a choice. Do I really want to sit in that pity pit? I choose to focus on what I can do and being grateful for what I do have, clinging to my faith and knowing this too shall pass. Thank you 😊