If you had asked me what makes me happy just five years ago, I would probably say that it was the love of a specific person in my life, a job that didn’t require me to wake up at half four every morning, fewer debts, and direction in life.
And while I still believe a direction in life is required for finding happiness, everything else turned out to be a huge lie that worsened my mental health and made me the unhappiest person I ever knew.
Fast forward five years, and I am with someone who loves me beyond imaginable; I wake up at 5 a.m. on most mornings to work, and I still have a few debts left to tackle down. Yet, I am the happiest person I know, and I want to tell you why.
I often had to search for answers to these questions throughout those five years: How do I find what makes me happy? How do I hold on to that emotion and multiply it? What are the things that make me feel joy?
And if you are also wondering how to find what makes you happy, here’s my simple happiness theory.
I touched on a similar subject in my post on why you are never satisfied with what you have, but today I plan on extending it a bit further (don’t worry, you could read that post later, it will still make sense).
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Things that will never make you happy
To start, here is a list of the things that will never make you happy, and I know it might shock you, but keep in mind, I will explain everything.
- the sunset;
- stargazing;
- the love of someone else;
- money;
- achieving your goals;
- your dream job;
- doing things that make others happy…
- …and I know you disagree with everything, yet I promise you – these aren’t the things that bring happiness.
Now, remember that list because I intend on coming back to it in a bit. But before that, let’s go over the one thing that will make you happy.
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Who Are the Happiest People?
What makes them brighter and calmer than every stressed human being out there? Is happiness hidden behind a yoga pose? Does it come only after an hour of meditation? What if it’s hidden between two paragraphs of daily journaling? Is it at the bottom of the sixth glass of water you had for the day? Why do you feel like your happiness is at the end of the five-mile morning jog or the bottom of your all-ticked-off to-do list?
What actually makes you happy aren’t the things you do, nor the people you know, or the job you have. Happiness isn’t a place you get, nor is it a job you prepare for. It’s not a project that requires you to hustle and sweat over.
All those external things could only enhance your happiness or underline your unhappiness.
Happiness lies inside you, and nothing on the outside could force it, create it or destroy it.
The daily hurdles, the Monday mornings, your boss’s demands, your spouse’s misunderstandings are merely bringing out the emotions you already have inside.
What if You Don’t Know What Makes You Happy?
So, next time you ask yourself how to find what makes you happy, change the question into an answer: I am what makes me happy!
You are your happiness, and if that sounds like a broken record to you, keep reading; I will break it down even further.
What we usually call happiness is, in fact, self-satisfaction.
The people we interact with, the places we visit, the work we do, our goals and dreams.. they are all different roads we take towards self-satisfaction.
And piling up a few moments of self-satisfaction means we boost our mood, temporarily change our perspective and achieve short-term happiness.
Until something breaks…
Someone doesn’t appreciate what we do for them; our goals have changed due to circumstances beyond our control; we get disappointed by a place we visit, a conversation we have, a belief we uncovered… and happiness is gone.
No! Self-satisfaction is gone.
Happiness isn’t going anywhere because it has nowhere to go. It lives inside you and waits for you to notice it again and again.
Personal Growth and Finding What Makes you Happy
And here comes the question about all of the habits and personal growth journeys we usually go on to pursue happiness. Let’s start with a few clarifications.
Happy Things Don’t Exist
Things are just that – soulless pieces of material that exist in time and space. They could become a source of happiness only if you give them the power to make you happy.
Your fancy phone, car, or house don’t make you happier. They could satisfy you for a certain period of time, but sooner or later, you will grow over that satisfaction and try to change them, add to them or completely get rid of them.
Don’t allow your happiness to live in a place that could be taken away from you. Don’t give it that power. Happy things don’t exist, just happy people who temporarily enjoy things with no other attachment.
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Habits That Make You Happy Don’t Exist
The good daily habits you’ve developed aren’t making you happy. They bring self-satisfaction, which changes your self-perception. Once your mindset goes through a profound change, you literally see the world in a different way, and you find that happiness inside you.
Habits cannot push you to become happy, but they will help you remove the layers of dirt that were stopping you from seeing the happiness inside you.
People Can’t Make You Happy
I want to touch once again on the fact that allowing your emotional and mental health to depend on anything external is never a recipe for happiness, especially when that external source is a person.
Leaving the responsibility for your internal happiness into the hands of another human being is self-destructive and leads to anxiety and insecurities.
Moreover, it creates tension in the other person who might be doing the same with you by leaving his happiness in your hands. You end up being two human beings expecting someone else to create internal emotions with external actions. It could never work.
That is why we always talk about how self-love and self-appreciation are crucial for creating a healthy relationship with anyone around (not just a romantic relationship).
Who Are The Happiest People?
The happiest people maintain the same level of self-satisfaction, inner calmness, and no expectations regardless of the problems they face.
And no, that doesn’t mean they have no empathy, and they can’t experience grief and sorrow. Yet, those are emotions created by external events, and they could disturb true happiness in a brief moment.
In the end, truly happy people understand that “this too shall pass”, and the only constant state of mind, body, and soul is the one of experiencing the joy of life itself.
How to Uncover What’s Covered?
Quitting all the blab from above, it is time we talk of the ways to uncover that hidden happiness inside you and let it shine.
Imagine you have to dig a well. To get to the clean water, you will have to gather the right tools and do a lot of digging. You would need to remove the dirt, and once you find water, you have to place stones on the sides of the well so the walls don’t collapse and ruin everything.
It’s the same with finding happiness inside you. You want to dig through the dirt, get your hands dirty, stay persistent with your goal, and then place protection so you never lose that sweet source of pure happiness that has surfaced.
Quit The Expectations
The best time to quit your expectations would be right now.
And I talk about any type of expectation – towards others, the world, and yourself. You even want to quit with your expectations to find that inner happiness you are in search of.
Finding what makes you happy requires an open mind that isn’t cluttered with all the versions of what could happen. These are all expectations and different limited realities you create based on your past.
Yet, the opportunities that will come in front of you are a lot more than those you could create in your mind. Your mind limits you, so you want to quit forcing it to create whatever you want. Leave it be, and open your heart for everything that comes.
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Quit With The Blame
There is always a reason something didn’t happen the way you want it. Too often, I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the way different events have matched together to get me to where I initially wanted to be. Not all of the circumstances were great, but the challenging moments are what teach us the biggest lessons.
Quit with the blame for others. They aren’t entitled to change themselves to fit your world, and it isn’t their fault your happiness is too deep. Just keep digging.
Also, quit with the self-blame. You cannot move forward if you keep looking behind you. I know it’s such a cliche, but it describes the way most of us spend our days. We keep remembering all of our “should’ve”, “could’ve” and “would’ve” moments, and that behavior keeps us tight to our past. And moving forward means cutting off the ropes that keep us connected to a painful self-blaming past.
Take Back Your Responsibility
That moment when you realize everything that has ever happened to you was a choice you made at some point in your life. One simple decision you make today might change the way you live your life 10 years from now. The exact moment when the truth of this hits you is the moment you will be ready to enjoy the sweet fruits of inner happiness.
Responsibility is what most people avoid, so they keep looking for external reasons for their inner problems. Don’t stay where you are. Move aside and take the lead of your life. It is now or never.
Be Brave in Front Of Whatever You Uncover
Are you still digging for that happiness inside you? Good. I hope you understand that it will become creepy and you will be frightened. Keep digging.
Be brave in front of whatever you uncover. Go back to every toxic relationship and see your part in it. Admit it. Forgive yourself.
Go back to every moment of embarrassment and play it in your head from the seat of self-forgiveness and understanding that you did your best.
Uncover the issues from your childhood and forgive yourself for becoming who you are. After that, embrace yourself for your strength. Be ready to never hide behind the excuse of your upbringing. Despite society encouraging you to do so. Because the past could define who you are, but your Today is your Tomorrow’s past. You can create a new “past” starting right now.
Give Yourself Love and Time
And then, at some point, you will be tired, discouraged, angry, and full of doubt if it’s worth it.
Yes, it is! But you wouldn’t know it yet. So, what do you do?
You step on your stubbornness, take a deep breath, wipe the sweat from your forehead and give yourself a hug. You love yourself despite and because of whatever you uncover, whatever you go through, whatever the journey brings your way.
You learn to love yourself, to give yourself time, a break, a moment of reflection. And then you keep digging. Because our hardest moments are just the last tests of our will, right at the point of “should I give up or would I keep moving” lies the opportunity of your life. That is the moment you change your past, you quit the expectations, you go beyond the exhaustion, and you find happiness.
What about the list of things that make you happy?
A beautiful sunset and late-night stargazing could make the depressed person feel lonely and the happy person even happier.
The love of someone else could be an addition to a happy life or the only string of thin hair holding a person together.
Money could buy bread but will never buy the ability to taste and enjoy it. And achieving your goals is just another stone on the road of your life, but not merely the road itself.
Yes, happiness doesn’t live in things, but inside you, and to find it, you want to drop whatever is on the outside and poke that inner Self to come to life.
Conclusion on How To Find What Makes You Happy
If I have to summarize the whole post into one sentence, it would be this one: Don’t chase whatever is out there as you have no control over it; instead, stop and stay awhile with yourself as it is all you need this moment.
A happy life is lived not when there is the absence of hardships but when those hardships didn’t take away You and your inner source of joy.
Think about all of the ways you could be depriving yourself of enjoying life, and reflect on how never to have another day where your happiness is in the hands of something (or someone) in the external world. It is all inside You.
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How To Find What Makes You Happy
Blogger, dreamer, procrastinator, and lover of everything soul-touching. My mission is to make you laugh, provoke your thoughts, light up your day and inspire you to fall in love with life and yourself.
I never usually read anyone’s article, blog, post,etc but I came across this post at a very low moment. At 50 years old, I’m still lost and unhappy, always thinking happiness is based on an external factor but after reading this I have come to the realization that I have work to do on myself. I have to figure me out. I have to start digging through the dirt to find the water. Thank you.
I’m truly touched that my post resonated with you during such a moment. Remember, self-reflection and personal growth are lifelong journeys, and it’s never too late to start. Keep digging, and cherish every drop of understanding you find about yourself. đź’›
I really enjoyed your post… I’ve been lost for some time now and feeling like I’m losing my mind with overthinking and then getting overwhelmed. It’s really easy to lose your happiness with life going on but after reading this post the biggest takeaway I got is that happiness lives inside me and finding it deep inside myself is a journey… thank you Rachel!
Thank you for your kind words, Jasmine! Often, it isn’t about learning something new but remembering what we’ve forgotten, and I am happy to know this post helped you in such ways.