And yet again, you spend a few hours staring at the ceiling of your bedroom wondering why you did/said or didn’t do/didn’t say something…
And it’s not about doing or saying something (or nothing). It’s about the honest shock that you are not who you wish to be, and you refuse to accept who you truly are…
How to accept yourself unconditionally and be happy?
Year after year, you do your best to either change or accept yourself, but no matter how hard you try, none of those happen. What is the reason behind it? And how to fix it?
If that sounds like you, we need to talk!
What is Unconditional Acceptance?
Accepting yourself isn’t just being okay with who you are. Accepting yourself is a much deeper dive into the depths of your own Self and learning how to love, nurture and grow it even more. Self-acceptance isn’t the last decision you make when you can’t change something – it’s the first you do before growing even further into being your best Self.
I know all that sounds like a huge fluff to you right now, but hear me out – self-acceptance is your biggest struggle because of how you look at it.
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Why Can’t I Just Accep Myself?
I was reminded of a quote by Wayne Dyer this morning, and I wish to start our journey today with it:
If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Wayne Dyer
We’ve always had the perception that self-acceptance is something we are forced to do when all other options have led us to failure. I bet you’ve heard the following: “If you can’t change something, learn to accept it.”
And while that philosophy is absolutely gorgeous and perfectly correct, I think we give it too many meanings and too big of control over us.
How to learn to accept yourself unconditionally when the moment you think of the idea of accepting yourself, you automatically believe that you should do it just because you can’t change yourself.
We kind of got off the board with the perception of changing ourselves. Many people ask this: Why is accepting myself so hard? If I accept myself, does that mean I am not changing anything? Why would I change if I accepted myself? Why would I accept myself if I want to change?
Tapping into the idea of change, we often exclude self-acceptance when, in reality, we could actually grow and change only by doing the latter.
So, here I am, asking you: Do you also believe that self-acceptance and changing yourself are two different roads you should take?
Maybe after reading all that, you will say, “Of course, not!”. However, I encourage you to take a moment, maybe journal about it, and see if a core belief needs adjustment.
Self-Acceptance as a Leading Point in Changing Yourself
Self-acceptance isn’t just admitting that you are this or that type of person. To many of us, self-acceptance is first met with a refusal to do it.
For example, let’s say that you are an introvert, but this has become a burden for you with time. You might wish to be a little more outdoorsy person, have more friends, meet new people, and go on trips with groups of friends. And all those are things you believe you would enjoy. But the next time someone calls you to invite you to a party, you completely ignore the invitation and instead stick to your normal routine of cozying up on the sofa with a book on your lap or a Netflix show you’ve been waiting for to premiere.
Of course, you enjoy that time alone, but then you get lonely, and a few days later, you regret you didn’t use the opportunity to go out and be that outdoorsy-having-lots-of-friends person… You get into a circle where you wish to change, but you can’t because … well, you are who you are.
With time you might develop a self-criticism for being a type of person who could never have a decent conversation with another human being and always ends up in the corner of the room staring at the host’s library instead of socializing…
So, now you are doing the following: you tell yourself that this is who you are and even if you aren’t happy with it you can’t do anything about it… because this is who you are … and you accept yourself… because you can’t change… because this is who you are… you get the point.
What Happens When You Accept Yourself
The last thing you’d expect me to tell you is that self-acceptance is wrong, but that’s exactly what I intend to convince you here.
Approaching self-acceptance with the idea that it’s the thing you have to do because you can’t change yourself is truly self-damaging and sabotaging.
You would never be happy accepting yourself because, in fact, you never accepted yourself. What you might be calling self-acceptance is an acceptance that things can’t change even if you want them to change.
True self-acceptance is about accepting that things can and will change, but you aren’t forcing them but growing through the process.
How Do You Accept Yourself For Who You Are and Grow As a Person
Personal growth and self-development aren’t just fancy words everyone is using. They both describe a very simple never-ending process we are going through at any point in our life.
In fact, for most of us, it’s not about a matter of choice to go on that journey. If life throws problems after problems at you, let me assure you – you are on the personal growth journey, and these problems are your milestones.
That sounds cool, isn’t it? Seeing problems and misfortunes as milestones on the personal development path is actually a philosophy that saves you so many “Why me?” moments.
Self-acceptance is part of that journey and maybe one of the biggest milestones you will ever get to.
But how do you initiate the process of self-acceptance?
Here are a few steps I kindly lay in front of you. It is up to you to make them.
Change the way you look at things…
Yes, changing the way you look at self-acceptance is your greatest way to evolve and actually make a difference in how you live your life.
Forget about the mentality that accepting yourself means you stop growing as a person, or you will never change whatever doesn’t suit you.
In fact, the process of self-acceptance simply lifts the veil of self-criticism and saves you precious energy you could use to keep evolving as a person.
Changing the way you see self-acceptance starts with quitting the self-blame and the questioning, “Why me?” You also want to eliminate the negative self-talk and completely erase the idea of getting used to anything you don’t like.
At the same time, you truly want to stop rushing and pressuring yourself into evolving and growing. Those are natural processes that happen anyway. Stressing over them would only slow the process down.
30 Morning Affirmations For A Good Day
Self-love as a main key to self-accepting…
If I could pick just one problem that I believe causes the most misery and pain in the world, that would be the lack of enough self-love. Self-love is when one sees and respects oneself as a normal human being with the same rights as the next person.
The lack of self-love might be at the bottom of pretty much every problem we ever face in our life – low self-esteem, staying in toxic relationships, accepting abusive behavior, causing pain when all we want is love, and so on.
Therefore, learning to appreciate and love yourself a little more every day might be the life-changing secret you wish someone told you.
Accepting yourself for who you are is loving yourself for how you are and who you are not. Self-care and nurturing happen only after you have the feeling of understanding that you aren’t perfect, and that’s actually a great thing.
In a world where everyone talks about uniqueness and acceptance, we rarely actually see it in action. We promote it but can’t stop judging the person next to us, eventually ending judging ourselves too.
We’ve grown to be a society of “I can’t tell you who to be, but I can judge you for everything you are, or you aren’t.” And if you struggle with this, let me remind you that you aren’t entitled to listen to other people’s negative opinions. That’s called self-preservation.
Inside Of My Happiness Journal
Inside Of My Happiness | Journal for Living an Intentional Life
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Journaling has so many benefits, and you've always wanted to stick to it but never did. It looks and sounds complicated. You think that there are some rules you know nothing of and can't see the magic everyone talks of.
Inside of My Happiness is your go-to journal for the morning and the evening. Get inspired in the mornings, reflect on yourself in the evening. As simple as that.
Be honest with yourself
You can’t accept something if you seriously try to believe it doesn’t exist.
Be honest with yourself about everything you do, and it’s you don’t do. For better understanding, feel free to talk to someone who knows you well. Ask them how they see you in different situations. Accept what they say with an open heart, and even if it doesn’t sound like something you’re okay with, don’t get defensive about it.
Honesty is crucial for self-accepting because it allows you to say things with their names and excludes self-judgment.
Remember, the point of the whole thing isn’t to discover how good or bad of a person you are. It’s about understanding that whatever and whoever you are – is okay.
64 Self-Care Day Ideas Depending on The Type of Self-Care You Need
See the opportunities that lay beyond self-acceptance
If I ask you to remember some inspirational story from people who couldn’t change something about themselves (be it for cultural or health reasons), you will raise that way too often opportunities and a new life await people right after they accept themselves.
Adopt this mentality and tell yourself: If I was to accept myself as who I am, what else is out there for me?
Instead of wasting your time with self-denial, why not doing your best with whatever you have and whoever you are? Way too many have amazed the world with less than what you and I have. And that itself is inspiring enough.
How to Accept Yourself Unconditionally and Wholeheartedly?
Finding happiness through self-acceptance is probably the shortest way to living a life you enjoy. And while I can tell you about the many paths of self-acceptance, in reality, your path is different than mine or the person next to you.
Too often forget we have the free will to explore and change ourselves while changing ourselves (if that makes any sense).
So, go ahead and allow yourself to love who you are and still change it.
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How To Accept Yourself Unconditionally
Blogger, dreamer, procrastinator, and lover of everything soul-touching. My mission is to make you laugh, provoke your thoughts, light up your day and inspire you to fall in love with life and yourself.