I Hate My Life and I Want To Start Over! Here's How To Do It

Are you stuck in too much debt? Maybe single or in a toxic and unfulfilling relationship? Do you hate your job, your colleagues and feel underappreciated by your boss? Did you have different expectations from life that quickly turned into dust that the wind was blowing away from you?

If you tell yourself often, “I hate my life, and I want to start over!” you aren’t the only one, and there is a way out of it (yes, it includes you starting over and having a completely different life than this one).

Just a few minutes ago, I was browsing Reddit and found a post by a young woman who feels like her life is a total disaster. She is single, all her pears are already married, and some even have children. Her job isn’t fulfilling; her boss doesn’t even act like he knows she exists. Guys completely ignore and ghost her, and she feels like she’s drowning in unpaid debt.

That’s a lot!

I answered her post on Reddit, but I also got inspired to write a full post on the subject – something I hadn’t planned for this day, but when your passion is self-development writing, these things happen.

So here are the tips I gave her, and here are some more ideas for you.

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Starting Your Life all Over Again is Possible

Even in the times, we live right now, starting a new life is completely possible. Whatever you feel stuck with, I promise you there is a way out of it.

The secret to stepping on that way is to step on that way.

Let me drop the cliche right here, so it’s out of the way: every day is an opportunity to start a brand new life even if you still have the same house, the same job, and the same amount of money in your bank accounts.

You see, a new life doesn’t happen in the physical world unless it is present in the mind first.

Meaning that nothing on the outside could change if you do not initiate a change inside you.

Yep, the elephant is here; I pointed it out; let’s pet it for a bit.

How to initiate a change from within?

Hmm, it gets a bit tricky, but I will explain it all.

A change from within happens in a matter of a second. And that’s not the second you initiate the change, but the second you decide to make it happen, and nothing else matters.

There is an old story about a young man who wanted to become successful. He went to the wisest monk in his village and asked him how to be who he wanted to be. The monk didn’t answer anything but got up and walked towards the nearby lake. He made a sign to the young man to follow him. When they got to the lake, the monk just kept going until they were both into the waters up to their chest.

At that point, the monk grabbed the young man and pushed him under the water. In the first seconds, the man didn’t know what was happening but shortly after that, he realized that he could not go on the surface – the monk was pushing him down. The man felt panic rising in his chest as the air was slipping away. He was fighting and fighting with all his powers and strength to go on the surface, but he did it just seconds before actually drowning. When he finally got out of the waters, he was furious and shouted at the monk, “Why did you do that?” The monk looked at him and said, “You will become exactly who you want to be the moment you start craving it as much as you craved air while you were under the waters”.

So, my question to you is this: Do you crave change and new life as much as you would crave air if you were drowning?

If yes, you have already initiated that change.

Now, let’s see what your next step should be.

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I Hate My Life! What Should I Do To Change It?

The first thing I would say is that you do not hate your life. You hate certain things about your life. Maybe you are not satisfied with the situation you are in. Your desires, dreams, goals, and hopes are all pit of sync with the reality you live in.

And it doesn’t matter how you got here. You aren’t happy with the choices you’ve made, but does that dissatisfaction matter right now?

Drop the self-judgment!

The very first thing you wish to do to live a completely different life is to drop your self-judgment and stop living in the past.

You see, it is scientifically proven that 90% of the thoughts you have today match the thoughts you had yesterday. You overthink, worry, and get angry at the same thing from yesterday. And yesterday, you did the same thing with the things from the day before.

Do you seriously expect something to change this way?

Self-judgment is one of the most toxic and self-destructive types of behavior you could have.

Nobody says you should forget your past, but regularly making lists of how many times you’ve messed up your life won’t make your future brighter.

Remember this: Every day you spend in regret for the past is a day you lost to work for a better present and future.

Change the perspecitve

Nothing happens in life unless you’ve been prepared for it.

Whatever you are going through right now – challenges, life events, troubles… They all happen because you were mentally and physically ready for it.

And those struggles and hurdles are here to teach you something, help you grow, and become the person you actually wish to become.

Changing your perspective on life is probably one of the most important steps you have to take. Living a life you enjoy depends on seeing that your life is enjoyable.

What is your perspective on life right now? What needs adjustment? Do you see problems, or do you see opportunities? Do you see yourself as a victim or as someone who takes full responsibility for your actions? Are you ready to admit mistakes without punishing yourself even more for the life you live? Are you ready to let go of limiting beliefs, negative thoughts, and useless irrelative opinions?

Assess your situation

You cannot change even the oil in the car unless you’ve checked and assessed the situation beforehand.

So, this is your next task – assess your life. What is it that is truly dysfunctional? What needs adjustment? What type of behavior should you drop? Who should leave your life? What needs your immediate attention, and what needs no attention at all?

Make an actual list of everything that comes to mind – people, events, thoughts, even furniture (if you hate your living space). Write your feelings about those points and make a decision regarding them.

Be as realistic as possible and have only one thing in consideration – your wellbeing.

Hating your life isn’t something you could sweep under the carpet and say it’s a phase. It’s a calling you need to answer before it burns down the whole phone line.

Focus on what you can control

In reality, you are in control of more things than you can imagine. You are in control of your thoughts, your beliefs, your own actions, your words, your mornings, your evenings, your attitude towards the people around you, and more.

Focus on everything you can control instead of pondering about the things you can never be in control of.

You cannot control your boss’ vision of you, but you can control how well you get your job done. You can control the number of applications you send to other companies when searching for a new job. You can control what goes into your shopping cart next time you go grocery shopping. You can control what type of morning routine you have or how much time you give ourself in the evening for reflection and relaxation.

You can control whether you should stay on SM or read a book instead. You can control how many people you compare yourself to today, and you can control not to do that at all.

You are in control of countless things that affect your emotions, perspective of life, attitude, days, and life.

Start by working on the things you can control, and you will already be living a new life.

Create a significant change… not!

I bet you actually expected me to encourage you to quit your job, move to another city and delete social media.

Hey, if that’s something you’ve been craving as much as you’d crave air if you were drowning… go for it! But often, things aren’t that easy, and most of us are facing different problems while needing the same “life-changing” moments.

So the significant change you should go after is the change of adjusting yourself and things within your control until your life becomes the life you want to have.

Applying for a new job is a great way to start. Opening an emergency fund for yourself and piling up some cash there is also brilliant.

Messaging friends you’ve lost connection with is a fast way to bring “new” people into your life. If you are struggling in your current relationship, assess if being with that person makes you happy, or you’re fighting windmills for way too long. If you are single, reach out for a hobby that gives you opportunities to meet new people often (whether online or IRL).

Any tiny step you do today could turn out to be the initiating process of a significant change. What is yours?

Focus on Love Instead of Hate

You’ve already mentioned how much you hate your life. You are full of frustration towards everything you’ve done or has been happening in the last months (or even years).

But did you know that every time you mention how negative your life is… that is an invitation for your life to stay as it is?

Your moods, energy, thoughts, and vibration affect your life, and you know that’s true. The mere fact that you are in this situation and have feelings of hatred are proving it.

I know that loving your life and expecting it to magically change sounds unrealistic and almost like sci-fi, but I am not asking to do that.

Instead, I ask you to focus on something you love and work with that.

The one tiny action step that will fix it all

No, that’s not a lie. Years ago, this helped me overcome some of the lowest moments of my life, and I know it will do the same to you.

Here’s what you need to do.

When you finish reading this article, you need to grab the first notebook around you and list a full page of things you are grateful for. Don’t frown. Please don’t roll your eyes. Trust me on this!

Gratitude is your way out of whatever pit you feel stuck into.

Write full sentences starting with “I am grateful for…” Mention your internet connection, the warm food on the stove, the roof over your head, the smile of your child, the love of your parents, a caring friend’s name, appreciate your hands being able to write, your working toilet, and even the warmth of your sweater.

I really don’t care how ridiculous your list will look, and you shouldn’t either. The meaning of this page with gratitude is way deeper than whatever is written on it.

Do that exercise today and repeat it for the next 29 days. No exceptions, set up an alarm on your phone if you keep forgetting, leave the journal on your pillow so you know what you should do before going to sleep.

Whatever technique works for you, now is the time to use it.

Why gratitude?

Gratitude isn’t about listing good stuff that you have. It is about creating a positive vibration that eventually turns into a positive emotion. And one positive emotion creates another one. In a month, you will see the world not as a place where your dreams get crushed but as a place where you flourish regardless of the obstacles.

Gratitude is all about finding the little gems in life most people overlook, dusting them off, and putting them on display. Gratitude is about living a positive life even when you have a few negative experiences.

It is life-changing and self-transforming.

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Instead of a Conclusion

Did you skim through the post, or did you actually read it? If you skimmed through it, most likely, tomorrow will just be another day under the dark sun. If you actually took a moment to read through it, there is hope, and all you need is to take action.

And before I leave you, here is a life realization that happens too late for most of us: Life isn’t complicated. We make it such.

So, do you crave change as much as you would crave air if you were drowning?

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